It was as far as I could go
by wig257
Summary: An intimate moment between Castle/Beckett - Beckett's point of view. This wasn't originally written as Castlefic but it seemed to fit so I tweaked it a bit. It's my first go at any sort of fanfiction, well anything really - Ekkk I feel so exposed!


My heart was open and I had let him in, half way, and I didn't think I could do any more.

As he stroked my hair I could hear his heart beat through his chest, he was humming. I couldn't recognise the tune, I don't really think there was one.

'Do you know something?' he said

'Yes, lots of things actually'

'Hum, well let me tell you something else, this feels really nice'

'What feels nice?'

'The weight of you, I love feeling you on top of me, under me and inside me, well actually the other way round is more preferable'

'Castle' I whispered, lightly slapping his chest and smiling to myself.

'What?' he said, I felt his hands move and he held them up in defense and I could feel him smirking.

I lifted my head and looked him in the eyes, we stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Then I realised I wasn't breathing, I leaned forward and kissed him keeping my eyes open so I could see his pupils dilate. The intensity in those eyes held me more than if I was physically restrained.

I moved myself close to his head and kissed him again this time closing my eyes pressing harder on his lips feeling the heat from him, his breath quickening as I pushed my body more onto him, it seemed we were fusing together, the heat radiating from both of us, melting into one another. I decided to slow down I wanted answers to how he really felt. I know he told me all the time, said lovely silly things, stupid phrases and dirty remarks but nothing seemed really serious and sincere. I placed my hands around either side of his face then pulled away, this made him open his eyes again. Those eyes and the hunger and emotion in them told me all I wanted to know but I had to hear him say it.

'How do you feel about me?' I asked

'What do you mean, How?'

'Are you able to describe it?' I really needed to know. This man had broken down my walls, managed to get the key to my heart, unpicked the lock and swung open the door. This was where he was staying until I could trust him again, hearing how he felt about me would be a step in the right direction.

He pushed himself up to a sitting position and moved me off him, crossing his arms. That's not what I wanted to see, immediate defense. He then took his gaze from me and looked at the floor, I could see it in his face he wasn't sure what to say. Sometimes he went somewhere and I couldn't reach him, I didn't want this to be one of those times.

'Well' I said 'is it something you can tell me?'

'I'm not sure I can actually put it into words'

'What, the writer boy can't tell me how he's feeling, can't put it into words?' Don't be sarcastic, saying a quip now isn't the right thing. 'Please try' Oh god that sounded desperate, damn it. Did I really need to know right now, I could wait, this was the wrong time, he was closing down, I was losing him.

'OK, I'll try' he took a deep breath unfolded his arms and turned towards me 'You are the air that I breathe, without you I would suffocate, I love you.' Wow so short and sweet and it hit me like a thunderbolt, his stare burned right into me, I knew he was telling the truth, I could tell everything in his eyes was the truth and he held my gaze not letting me look away 'so what about you?'

'What about me?' I deflected

'How do you feel about me?' he asked in return

I hadn't thought he'd turn it around and ask me back. He usually let me tell him things in my own time, he hadn't pushed me for anything since I'd forgiven him for looking into my mothers death and I had no idea how or what to tell him. He had just told me that without me he would metaphorically die, and then dropped in those three little words, what girl doesn't want to hear that? But how could I respond?

I moved over pushing his body back climbing over him sitting on his lap looking down. I squeezed my legs either side of his body to get comfortable moving me closer. Again I took his face in my hands looking right at him, I decided to tell him what I was really feeling, what I believed to be the truth.  
'I've never felt like this about anyone, you are the one person who I have really let in, reluctantly I might add. You possess more of me than anyone has before'.

I heard him swallow and then felt his hands move up my back, slowly caressing my body, he reached my neck and slowly rubbed his fingers around it. He then pulled my head down towards him, held me there staring. My eyes started to sting and my throat burned, his expression seemed to make the tears welling up inside me tip over out of my eyes, he wiped them away with his thumb and put it in his mouth sucking the salty tears off and then kissed me. Slowly but full of passion, he then pulled my shoulders down so I could feel him and the need within him rising.

He kissed me again, darting his tongue into my mouth then quickly removing it. He moved down my neck planting soft kisses all around, my pulse quickened and he seemed to feel it through my skin, I looked up to the ceiling closed my eyes feeling the tears flowing again running down my cheeks and down my neck seeking him out. He found them and licked them slowly until he reached my jaw, stopping when he felt my sharp intake of breath, he looked at me again wiping the rest of the tears away. I grabbed his head and kissed him, feeling him hardening more beneath me, I pulled away and smiled. He then pushed me back onto the sofa moving on top of me, returning my smile.

I guess it was the right time, sometimes somewhere deep down I loved it when I was wrong. As he kissed me again and I felt my heart beat, it seemed like he had just taken his first step through the door.


End file.
